The Very Definition
by JamesTheGreater
Summary: "Ah, that's the beauty of this little thing called change. Only you can decide how to make it worthwhile. Otherwise, we'd all be the same and what's the point in that?" Graduation.


**Hey, guys, it's been a while. I had this story started when I graduated, but preparing for college really sucked up my time. So here it is.**

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There comes a time in person's life when they finally realize they have to stop being children and live in the real world with everybody else. The moment this event occurs differs among various people. Some experience it early while others may wait until the last possible second. But there is one common thread. Each and every person that has undergone this revelation has lost and has gained. Just as matter and energy cannot be created nor destroyed, personal experience is an equivalent exchange and growing up is no exception. The losses and gains may not be obvious at first, but they are there for those who look hard enough.

Freddie Benson adjusted his cap nervously, the flimsy piece of fabric slipping and sliding on his well gelled hair. That had been his mother's handiwork. She had caught him and held him down, covering his scalp with the same hair gel she had used way back on his first day of Kindergarten. She hadn't changed much, always the over-protective and tightly wound matriarch of their little group. He could see her shoulders shaking in her seat in the third row, leaning on a very uncomfortable Spencer, though from his presumably crying mother or the fact that he had to wear a suit, Freddie didn't know. Thinking about such times from his childhood nearly made him break down like his mother had, but the ceremony hadn't even begun so he knew he had to hold it in unless he wanted Sam to mercilessly tease him.

"You're such a little girl," she'd say while sporting that familiar smirk of hers.

He peered down the line of soon to be graduates looking for Sam and Carly near the end, due to their last names. Sure enough, he spotted his friends standing together, chatting with a couple of other classmates. Presumably, Sam had gotten bored and, disregarding authority like she had been for years, walked a couple of alphabet letters back to join Carly and pass the time. Carly caught sight of him staring back and waved excitedly, causing Sam to turn around. She stuck out her tongue and, quite rudely, gave him the middle finger.

Apparently, she hadn't forgiven him for making her wake up earlier than necessary. He swore Principal Franklin's e-mail had said 7:30 in the morning instead of 8:30. Needless to say, they arrived an hour before they had to and Sam was thoroughly pissed off for the rest of the day.

He rolled his eyes at her while Carly forcefully pulled down her hand, obviously chastising her for being so vulgar. They would never change, would they? Carly, the nice, polite, and slightly sane one, and Sam, the rude, anarchic malcontent, together until the world would fade away into sweet oblivion. And he...well, Freddie didn't know what or where he was in all this. Sometimes he liked to think that 5 years ago he was drawn in by sheer bad luck. But to be honest, if faced with the choice, he felt that he wouldn't have avoided it if he could.

"Benson! Get your nerdy ass back here!"

Or maybe he would.

The rest of the class snickered at Sam's shout and a few of the guys even made suggestive whipping sounds. Freddie rubbed his face tiredly, reluctant to abide by her uncouth demands though he did begin to head towards the back of the line. His fear of punishment for any rebellion on his part proved motivating enough. When he completed the third side of their platonic triangle, Carly pointed at Sam with an air of self-assuredness.

"Freddie, tell her that disrupting the graduation ceremony is a bad idea."

"It's a bad idea," he said flatly.

Sam moved Carly's hand out of her face.

"And tell Carly that this is the last chance to be high school students. We have to do something."

"We have to do something."

"Tell Sam that we could get in big trouble."

"We could get into big trouble."

"Tell Carly that my middle name is big trouble."

"Sam's middle name is—"

Carly groaned in exasperation, throwing her arms up in a tizzy. "You're not helping you know that?"

He shrugged. "Hey, you know Sam is going to do something regardless of what you say. And Sam knows she's going to get in trouble for it. I don't see how anything can change that."

Carly calmed down after realizing the truth of his words.

"Yeah, I guess," she said hesitantly, "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

Sam grabbed Carly in a headlock, showing enough restraint to not ruffle Carly's carefully curled hair.

"And that's why you're my best friend."

Carly grimaced. "After all these years, the novelty has worn off."

Freddie was sure it was said in jest and Sam wouldn't take it the wrong way, but the light-hearted mood had been brought down significantly by the implication of Carly's words.

"So this is it, then. All these years..." Sam said gloomily. She seemed to wilt in her cap and gown, her tassel falling pitifully into her eyes. She contrasted spectacularly with the Sam of a few days ago.

"_Hot damn!" Sam shouted in glee, waving a small scrap of paper about. "A coupon for a free burger from Inside-Out burger! This must be my lucky day."_

_Never mind the fact that she'd just poached the coupon from Carly's mail, Sam fell happily onto the couch smiling at her new prize. They had ended iCarly months ago, but the habit of migrating to Carly's apartment on Friday nights was hard to break. Now instead of performing in a web show, they wasted away in front of the television or the computer. Freddie had suggest board games one time, but that had ended rather badly when Sam had erected hotels on two whole sides of the Monopoly board and Spencer threw a tantrum very unbecoming of his age._

"_Then let's go tomorrow," Carly suggested from her seat at the kitchen table where she was eating grapes one by one._

_Freddie frowned at the computer. "Sorry, guys, but you'll have to go without me. My mom and I are visiting the Stanford campus for the next few days. She said she wants to scope out the place and make sure my dorm isn't full of dangerous and hazardous materials."_

_Sam scoffed. "I don't know why you're going to that dumb school anyways. What's so good about it? A low acceptance rate and a big campus? That just seems pretentious to me. You should have just stayed here in Washington with me and Carly."_

_Carly was attending University of Washington while Sam was planning on enrolling in Seattle Community College. (Maybe if I have the time, she said.) Freddie had thought about staying in his home state where he knew his way around. But Stanford was an opportunity that could not be ignored regardless of the daunting unknown that was California._

"_Don't say that, Sam," Carly said, carefully peeling a grape with her fingernails, "Freddie worked hard to get into Stanford and it's a great school for engineers like him."_

"_Yeah, whatever, I know. Computer science. What a load." The tone of her voice annoyed him. What gave her the right to decide where he went for college and what he did with his life? Ever since they had all received their acceptance letters, she had been nothing but grumpy and rebellious, acting the troublemaker she was known to be. Just recently she had swapped every piece of chalk in school with sticks of hardened modeling clay._

"_It's __**not**__ a load," he said, testily. "And I don't appreciate you criticizing my life choices. Maybe it hadn't occurred to you to think about your future, but it did to me and you know what? Out there, in the real world, they expect you to go to school, get a job, and grow-up. You should give it a try."_

"_Well, maybe I don't want to grow-up," Sam started angrily, glaring at him from the couch, "Maybe I don't want to be a nine-to-five stiff who goes home and watches the evening news and eats tuna casserole and goes to sleep at ten and repeats it the next day. You might have thought about your future, had it all planned out for you on a pretty little index card, but have you thought about your mom? Carly? Spencer? Me? Do we still exist in your little plan? Remember iCarly? Or have you already forgotten it, even though it's been like three months? You might be okay with selling your soul for a job with some corporation, but it's not okay with me. And it never has been."_

_He was stunned at her outburst. Then he became angered. He opened his mouth to make a, no doubt, furious retort, but Carly interrupted him with a nervous laugh._

"_Sam, I think you went—"_

"_Shut up, Carly," Sam stood up, "You're even worse than he is. Every time I come over, the only thing we ever talk about is classes this and programs that. You've already written letters to every newspaper about openings for journalists. You haven't even finished high school for god's sake. When was the last time you talked to Gibby? Or helped Spencer with a sculpture? At least Freddie got a smoothie at the Groovy Smoothie with me yesterday. Where were you? Oh yeah, you were too busy visiting the Seattle Times for the TENTH FREAKING TIME!"_

_Sam took four big steps towards the door, wrenching it open and making sure to slam it when she left._

Freddie sighed at the memory. Shortly after, Carly had dissolved into tears, half chewed grapes falling out of her mouth. He would have stayed to comfort her as any real gentleman would do, but he doubted he would be of help due to the pent up emotions running through his mind. So he'd left and gone to his room to be angry, guilty, sad, and confused all at the same time.

"Hey, you, get back in line."

Mr. Howard joined their little group, turning their platonic triangle into a square where three of the corners hated the fourth corner. Freddie shook his head nostalgically as he made his way back to the front of the line. As much as Mr. Howard was a buzzkill, Freddie had to admit he'd miss the guy. Who else would shout in his face regardless of whether he did anything wrong or not?

Freddie peeked out through the little window again. Most of the important officials had already taken their seats except for Principal Franklin who was pacing back and forth across the stage with a microphone in his hand. It seemed that the audience today was not to be spared from Ted Franklin's infamously corny humor. If Freddie had to pick his favorite memory of Ridgeway, it would have to be Principal Franklin's ridiculous jokes. Also, his advice wasn't bad either.

"_Principal Franklin?" Freddie poked his head into the office and found his principal organizing a few papers on his desk. It was already half an hour after school ended and Principal Franklin seemed to be preparing to leave. He thought about asking tomorrow since he didn't want to keep the principal any longer than he should, but the matter was too urgent to put off. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

_Principal Franklin looked up and smiled, gesturing for Freddie to take a seat. "Sure, Freddie. What do you want to talk about?"_

"_Nothing much," he said as he sat down. He paused a moment before continuing. "Principal Franklin, do you remember what it was like when you graduated high school?"_

_The principal chuckled, nodding his head. "Of course. It wasn't that long ago."_

"_So how was it?"_

"_Well, it was sad. All my friends were going different places. I was headed towards my own future. Everything I knew was going to be left behind. It was tough to move on. But at the same time, I was excited. There were new experiences on my horizon. Back then I had barely traveled out of town let alone the state. I quickly found out that the world was a very big place which, in my opinion, can be both a good thing and a bad thing depending on how you take it." _

"_True, true," Freddie agreed. He was already beginning to feel the effects of the real world as demonstrated by the massive argument between the three friends. "So...how can you take it so that it's a good thing?"_

"_Ah, that's the beauty of this little thing called change. Only you can decide how to make it worthwhile. Otherwise, we'd all be the same and what's the point in that?"_

_Freddie grudgingly nodded his head. As much as he wanted an answer, he had to admit Principal Franklin was right. He had to be in control of his own destiny. At least, much more that he currently was. Sure, he had his college chosen, but that was the extent of his planning. He hadn't lied to Sam when he said he'd already thought about his future, but coming up with viable answers was a different matter. All his previous ideas about himself were suddenly clouded and uncertain. Freddie was as lost as he could ever be. _

_He stood._

"_Thanks, Principal Franklin. You've helped me a lot these past few years."_

_His principal smiled._

"_And you've helped me just as much. Take care, Freddie. I'll see you during graduation."_

_Freddie was already halfway through the door before Principal Franklin called out._

"_Oh, and Freddie...you're a smart man. I'm sure whatever happens, you'll make the right choices."_

"Okay, everyone, big smiles!"

A teacher with tall, poofy, brown hair walked up and down the line, ushering students into their correct places.

Freddie felt old whenever he met a teacher he didn't know. It reminded him that a lot had happened during his years at Ridgeway. Faculty, staff, and students had come and gone, some to better places and some to worse. Wendy had moved to New York in junior year. Rodney was in juvie after his spectacular impromptu fireworks display in early November burned down half the English wing. Mrs. Briggs retired to a life of exercise and Randy Jackson.

And as they got back into a straight line, Freddie couldn't help but appreciate that nothing exceptionally dramatic had happened to the iCarly gang. He, Sam, Carly, and even Gibby were still all around and alive. With Sam there had been a few close shaves both figuratively and literally and with Gibby you never really knew. But something had kept them all together until now.

It sounded a little sappy, yet Freddie couldn't deny what he thought earlier. If he had the choice, he wouldn't have chosen a different group of friends. They were special.

_In the end, it had been up to him to be the bigger person. There was just too little time for such a stupid argument. He ended up talking to Sam first since she seemed to be harboring the most anger. There was a time when he'd start easy and work his way up. But long gone are the days where Freddie ran from danger._

_Luckily, Sam was home when he came over. She could have slammed the door in his face, but out of either pity or indifference, she stood aside to let him in. Freddie cautiously entered. Frothy was still vicious and unpredictable. He followed Sam to her room, where upon closing the door, she flopped onto the bed while he took his customary seat at the cluttered desk._

"_So. You've come here to lecture me, am I right?"_

_She lay on her stomach, her head resting on the bacon shaped pillow she'd won from some carnival game way back. Her room hadn't changed much through all the times they had hung out here. There were just more layers of stuff added on top. Sam didn't even bother to take off the old posters when she stapled new ones over._

"_No. Because we both know that never works," he said as Sam nodded in agreement, "and, besides, I think you've already figured it out for yourself."_

_She rolled her eyes."You've always given me too much credit, Fredward. I'm not as well adjusted as you've convinced yourself I am."_

_Freddie smiled for the first time since the day she blew up. "Yeah. I have. But where would we be if I didn't?"_

_He caught a glimpse of a grin before she shoved her face down into the pillow. He now knew that they were okay._

"_I don't want to know," she said, her voice muffled. She then added quietly, "...I'm sorry, by the way."_

"_I know. Me, too."_

_A long time ago, Freddie would have been dead before he and Sam apologized to one another. However, contrary to what he shouted a few days earlier, she had grown up. More than any of them really. She was still far below the level she was supposed to be, but that was okay. Because when you started out in the negative numbers, any improvement is a good improvement._

"_So you want to talk about it?" He asked._

"_No. But I know __**you**__ do."_

"_Yeah. And take your face out of the pillow. You're going to suffocate."_

_Sam obliged, he thought not because he said to, but because she probably did find it hard to breathe._

"_Talk away, nub."_

"_Well, I'm moving to California for college," he started, "and you guys are staying here. But that doesn't mean I won't—that I'll be—you know...distant. I know that sounds stupid, and yeah, it is because it's pretty far away. But I'll call and text and stuff. I'll visit on holidays. I'm not going away forever, Sam. Just until I come back."_

_Sam snorted in amusement, her eyes showing her good humor._

"_And I definitely won't be that different from the old me. I'll be more rugged and good looking and maybe even a little more suave, but inside, I'll be the same nerdy kid you used to beat up."_

"_In your dreams, you doofus. You'll never be suave or rugged," she said, laughing. "And you'll be okay looking at most, I'll give you that."_

"_Psh, you know you love my hair."_

"_Whatever lets you to sleep at night."_

"_Yeah, yeah...seriously, though, how could you even think I'd forget you guys? It's not as though you're forgettable in any sense of the word."_

_He was glad Sam didn't take advantage of the complimentary opening he had provided. The direction she headed, however, was less than optimistic and Freddie found himself uncomfortably speechless._

"_Yeah, well, people have a habit of forgetting even what's most important to them."_

After that, they met with Carly in the little park by Bushwell, the one with the broken swing and the evergreen trees. It wasn't particularly emotional, per se, but tears were shed and hugs were given. The consensus was that they had all been to blame and while Sam had been out of hand with her outburst, the shouting had been slightly justified in one way or another.

The music began to play and Freddie took a deep breath. Unless something terribly unfortunate happened, the next time he walked through the auditorium double doors, he'd be a high school graduate. The doors swung open and, as he took the first step, he could see all the family and friends standing, ready to take pictures. The walk passed by in a blur of camera flashes and cheery faces. He felt lucky that he only had to trek up the singular aisle because he wouldn't have made it had there been anything more.

When the entire class was seated at the front, facing the audience, Principal Franklin started his welcome speech.

"_Good morning. I know you all are itching to start your first day of high school, but bear with me for a few minutes before you run off and make new friends and experience new things. High school is a place to learn. This can be taken in many ways. The most obvious is academically. Yes, you will learn math, science, English, art, and a vast variety of other subjects. However, another less straight-forward yet wholly important idea is the idea of learning personally. Learning about yourself and how you fit into your world. High school is a breeding ground for identities. Don't be afraid to try out several, but never stray too far from who you are inside. At the end of the day, this is the identity that matters most." _

"_This is the identity that shapes your high school experience. The reason that you exist is to be yourself. It doesn't make sense to build up an identity that isn't true to your being. By then, you'll be someone else. Don't do that. Don't be someone else. There's already someone else out there. So when you're making friends and joining clubs, do what you feel is best for what you are, not what you wish you were."_

"_I'm not going to try to keep you here for any longer than necessary. I know by now your attentions have switched elsewhere. As a closing statement, on the behalf of all the faculty and staff, I, Principal Franklin, would like to officially welcome you to Ridgeway High School!"_

Freddie first day had been a disaster. He'd rather not talk about it. But Principal Franklin's speech that day had struck a chord with him. For the first time in his young life, he felt as though he could be himself. Sure, he was going to get a lot of grief for being so technologically inclined. His overly attached mother was not going to help. And his sense of style definitely left a lot to be desired, not to mention his awkward social skills. But he trusted this Principal Franklin. And he trusted himself.

Freddie zoned out for most of the speeches from various important people. That was why he nearly jumped in his chair when his name was called.

"And now a few words from this year's valedictorian, Fredward Benson!"

He had practiced his speech for weeks, orating to his mirror. He could have been well prepared...had he not rewritten his speech early this morning at 3:00 A.M. In light of recent events, a few changes had to be made which led to him tearing up the original script. He wasn't nervous now because he finally understood what he had to say and where his words were coming from.

He stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat.

"Hi. I'm Freddie Benson. I'm sort of a nerd, so when I was asked to give a speech, I went on the internet and did a lot of research. I watched hours of valedictorian speeches. Funny ones, serious ones, and even offensive ones. All different types. But as I watched, I realized there was one common thread among all these videos. All these valedictorians gave speeches about going somewhere or doing something. They were all sure of themselves. So then I wrote this great speech about myself and about this class. About how we were all going to go out in the world and make it ours."

"But then, a couple days ago, my friends and I got into an argument about how we were all planning out our futures without including each other in these plans. It made me think things through. And I scrapped my original speech."

Freddie couldn't see his friends, but he could almost predict the grin on Sam's face and the worry on Carly's.

"With a little help from my Principal, I straightened out my preconceived notions of life after high school. Here it is: Change will come and go. And that's okay, just as long as you don't lose what will make it worthwhile."

"To be honest, I really have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I may have planned some steps out, but that's only because I had to, not because I wanted to. I'm as lost as you can imagine. If you asked me where I see myself in five or ten years, I couldn't answer. And truthfully, I'm okay with that. All I really need are my friends, my family, and myself to face the change head on. Looking forward, there is nothing to be afraid of. But that doesn't mean you can't look back. Whether you completely embrace the future, or tightly hold on to the past, or even confusedly stand in between, it's important to never let the change define who you become. There will be struggles. There will be problems. There will be tears. It will be hard. But never forget who you are. Never forget who you can place your trust in. Never forget anything period. In the darkest hours, these memories will be your light. And you will come out of the valley and say, '_We_ made it, guys. _We're_ okay. And _we_ always will be.' Thank you."

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**Personally, this is close to what I felt when I left high school minus the fighting with my friends part.**

**Please review! Also, please report any errors. Thanks!  
**


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